life


Today, I lost my job.  I’m 43 years old, and have been fired.  For the first time in many years, I started a new job in July.  I wasn’t looking, but I was recommended for it by a friend of a friend.  Over the last 4 months, I thought things had been going great, telling everyone that I had the best job and boss in the world.  My boss had told me several times that I was a great fit, and the girl who recommended me told me that I was the best person they’d ever had in that position.

Yet, this morning, my boss said that she had to let me go.  She’d had complaints and it just wasn’t working for her.  I hate myself right now, for screwing up such a great thing.  I have no idea what the complaints were, I’m guessing my phone demeanor (although people tell me I’m very friendly).  Or maybe it was something else.  Maybe it was because I fussed about how cleaning up dog poo in the office wasn’t in my description.  In some ways, I’d like to know, but really, what good would it do me, since I can’t go back and fix it?

I feel depressed and sad.  There’s such a humiliation to being fired.  Especially when it’s your fault.  I feel bad that I forced my boss into the position of having to let me go.  I feel bad about letting down the girl who recommended me.  I’m not angry with them, I’m angry with myself.

Now, more than ever, I want to kick myself for not furthering my education.  I always wanted to be a mama and wife, and that’s what I’ve done for years, but it would be nice to have some sort of skill to use in the support of my family.

So, I’ll go now, sit on the couch and mope.  Tomorrow is a different day, and the things that I haven’t had the time to get to these last 4 months, will have my attention.

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I’m currently sitting in the old man section of Mickey D’s, waiting on my BFF to get here for some noshing and conversatin’.  She takes her young’un to pre-school and usually gets here a little after nine.  I needed to pick up some padded envelopes from Walmart, so I just headed over this way after I dropped Tony off.   I got here right around 8.  I’ve never been here this early.  Usually all these old men are gone, getting busy with their days, so it’s kind of interesting to encounter them today.

Life at Casa de Hockett is a little hectic at present.  Kris and Ashley are currently a couple, but that is liable to change at any moment; they’ve broken up and reconnected more times than I thought possible in the last couple of months.  She wants to live with her mama, a couple of hours away; and she wants kris to move back down there and live with a friend of theirs.  That way they could see each other every day.  Kristopher (bless his heart) wants to be married, raising this child together.  She wants the same thing, apparently, but to live apart.  She doesn’t understand why he won’t go for this.

Ashley has been taken care of all of her life, never given the opportunity to make her own decisions, so now, when she makes one that her mama doesn’t agree with (such as marrying Kris, living away from home), she is guilted into second guessing herself.  She’s such a sweet girl, who needs lots of good mama love, and I want to give her that.  That’s what I do…take care of people and such.  I reckon that’s why we have 12  cats…

Jessica got a summer job at the local 4h camp, as a  cabin counselor.  She’ll be gone all week, and come home Friday and Saturday nights.  It’s gonna be an adjustment for all of us, since she hasn’t spent much accumulated time away from home before.  But I think she’ll enjoy it; she loves kids, and they love her.  This will be a good summer for her.  Then next fall, she’ll go one more semester at the community college, and transfer for the spring semester.  She’s not sure where she’ll go yet, she’s torn between UNCG and UNC Pembroke.  Her boyfriend goes to UNCG, but her best friend goes to Pembroke.  Either way, the plan is to get an apartment with the one who goes to the school she chooses.  So, maybe this summer away from home will make the  transfer a little easier for all of us to adjust to.

I haven’t really felt like blogging lately.  It’s not like I haven’t had anything to say, since there’s always something going on.  I just get on here and surf, and read other people’s blogs.  But, I’ve missed this, so I thought I’d jot down a few things.  And now the old men are getting hot and heavy into politics, so it’s my cue to leave.

well, this is it, the first day of school.  summer sure did fly past, not nearly long enough!  most of my friends look forward to their kids going back to school, and out of their hair, but not me.  I love having tony and madison home from school.  we don’t do much, usually, but it’s nice to have the house full of children sounds.  and I know that  all too soon, those sounds will disappear from here, to be replaced with the silence of teenage absence, then adults gone from the nest.

so, here we go again!

…today…my husband turns 45.  being an introvert and something of an eyeore, he’s never been much for birthdays, but the last few years have really been hard for him, because

…today…is the day we buried his daddy, my beloved father-in-law, 3 years ago.  I don’t think he’ll ever enjoy another birthday.

…today…I was called to jury duty.  I tried to get out of it, to no avail.  I will sit on this jury for a projected 2-3 days.  this may put a crimp in our plans to leave friday afternoon to visit family and friends in ohio.

…today…I was not able to make rich’s favorite birthday meal of chicken and dumplins and red velvet cake, because I spent the entire day moving from one chair to another at the lovely courthouse in the middle district of north carolina.

tomorrow will be better.  I will make sure of it.

last night, I was struck by just how blessed I am. madison wanted to stay and eat supper with us; I told her that we eat alot later than what she’s used to. mama has supper ready by 5:30; we eat around 7, when rich gets home. tony always eats a little mini-meal of snacks when he gets home from school at 3, because he eats lunch at school at 10:45 so he’s ready for supper when he gets home.

last night I fixed salmon patties, which everyone here loves. madison and clem were both here, so it was a big family meal. since it was so late, madison had to get home as soon as she finished eating, so she could get ready for bed.

usually when I take her home, I just wait until she gets in the door and then I turn around and go home. last night, I walked her in so I could carry the mail. when I went in, the baby was awake, so I took her from mandi and snuggled and kissed her for a little bit.

when I left, I noticed how clear the sky was, and how warm it was. that’s when I felt blessed. a beautiful night, a baby’s love, and my family at the end of my driveway.

who could ask for more?

I found this story and picture on the bbc news site, and thought it was cool.  I wanted to share it with y’all.

storkap.jpg
Uzonka the stork was fitted with a prosthesis at an animal hospital in Romania after its bill was broken in an assault.

My computer is messed up.  It has been  mildly misbehaving for a little while now, but I didn’t really worry to much with it.  Whenever something new popped up, I’d just add it to the little list I keep, and when it gets to be too much, I call my computer guy.  I really like my computer guy, he built my machine for me, and he told me that I would have lifetime computer support – his lifetime.  He’s really good with the hardware aspect, but not so much with programs and software and such.  Unfortunately, he has had some health problems lately, so I hate to bother him with something as trivial as my little computer quirks.

However, since mama has been having her own computer problems, I have been embroiled with taking her and her baby computer hither and yon.  In the process, I have met a new computer guy, his name is Clem.  He’s a genius.  I decided to have him come to my house Thursday evening and take a look at mine.  He told me that most of my issues were all tied to the fact, that he found OVER 400 VIRUSES AND MORE THAN 200 SPYWARE!!

I thought I would die.  I have Norton, how could this have happened?  Why would Norton let me down?  I paid enough for him, by golly he should have been more faithful.  Clem tells me that Norton isn’t who I thought he was, and that he’s not always dependable.  Well, that’s it for him, I don’t need to be treated this way.  I deserve better.  I will look elsewhere for protection and comfort.

The end result is that Clem eliminated all of my pests, and when he left, the computer ran so much more smoothly.  Unfortunately, there were many pages that I couldn’t access, like my email, login to wordpress, login to the shopping section of walmart.com – that’s an important one- and lots of others.  I called Clem the next morning.

He came back Friday evening.  He said that all the virus and spyware junk had corrupted some kind of IP address, or something or other, and that he thought he could fix it.  Guess what?  He couldn’t access the internet pages he needed.  So, for the time being, my home computer serves only to let me visit my site, everyone else’s blogs, and play some games.  Clem is doing some research, and will hopefully get back with me Monday.

Today was Rich’s Saturday to work – every 5th one – and he and the big kids are painting some of the offices in his terminal.  So, Tony & I came, too.  We always come and help him do his Saturday work, and while they’re painting, Tony is playing Windwaker, and I am using the computer.  It’s not mine, but it will work.

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