Feelin’ Sorry for Myself…..

Today, I lost my job.  I’m 43 years old, and have been fired.  For the first time in many years, I started a new job in July.  I wasn’t looking, but I was recommended for it by a friend of a friend.  Over the last 4 months, I thought things had been going great, telling everyone that I had the best job and boss in the world.  My boss had told me several times that I was a great fit, and the girl who recommended me told me that I was the best person they’d ever had in that position.

Yet, this morning, my boss said that she had to let me go.  She’d had complaints and it just wasn’t working for her.  I hate myself right now, for screwing up such a great thing.  I have no idea what the complaints were, I’m guessing my phone demeanor (although people tell me I’m very friendly).  Or maybe it was something else.  Maybe it was because I fussed about how cleaning up dog poo in the office wasn’t in my description.  In some ways, I’d like to know, but really, what good would it do me, since I can’t go back and fix it?

I feel depressed and sad.  There’s such a humiliation to being fired.  Especially when it’s your fault.  I feel bad that I forced my boss into the position of having to let me go.  I feel bad about letting down the girl who recommended me.  I’m not angry with them, I’m angry with myself.

Now, more than ever, I want to kick myself for not furthering my education.  I always wanted to be a mama and wife, and that’s what I’ve done for years, but it would be nice to have some sort of skill to use in the support of my family.

So, I’ll go now, sit on the couch and mope.  Tomorrow is a different day, and the things that I haven’t had the time to get to these last 4 months, will have my attention.

 

Life….

I’m currently sitting in the old man section of Mickey D’s, waiting on my BFF to get here for some noshing and conversatin’.  She takes her young’un to pre-school and usually gets here a little after nine.  I needed to pick up some padded envelopes from Walmart, so I just headed over this way after I dropped Tony off.   I got here right around 8.  I’ve never been here this early.  Usually all these old men are gone, getting busy with their days, so it’s kind of interesting to encounter them today.

Life at Casa de Hockett is a little hectic at present.  Kris and Ashley are currently a couple, but that is liable to change at any moment; they’ve broken up and reconnected more times than I thought possible in the last couple of months.  She wants to live with her mama, a couple of hours away; and she wants kris to move back down there and live with a friend of theirs.  That way they could see each other every day.  Kristopher (bless his heart) wants to be married, raising this child together.  She wants the same thing, apparently, but to live apart.  She doesn’t understand why he won’t go for this.

Ashley has been taken care of all of her life, never given the opportunity to make her own decisions, so now, when she makes one that her mama doesn’t agree with (such as marrying Kris, living away from home), she is guilted into second guessing herself.  She’s such a sweet girl, who needs lots of good mama love, and I want to give her that.  That’s what I do…take care of people and such.  I reckon that’s why we have 12  cats…

Jessica got a summer job at the local 4h camp, as a  cabin counselor.  She’ll be gone all week, and come home Friday and Saturday nights.  It’s gonna be an adjustment for all of us, since she hasn’t spent much accumulated time away from home before.  But I think she’ll enjoy it; she loves kids, and they love her.  This will be a good summer for her.  Then next fall, she’ll go one more semester at the community college, and transfer for the spring semester.  She’s not sure where she’ll go yet, she’s torn between UNCG and UNC Pembroke.  Her boyfriend goes to UNCG, but her best friend goes to Pembroke.  Either way, the plan is to get an apartment with the one who goes to the school she chooses.  So, maybe this summer away from home will make the  transfer a little easier for all of us to adjust to.

I haven’t really felt like blogging lately.  It’s not like I haven’t had anything to say, since there’s always something going on.  I just get on here and surf, and read other people’s blogs.  But, I’ve missed this, so I thought I’d jot down a few things.  And now the old men are getting hot and heavy into politics, so it’s my cue to leave.

 

ugh….it starts all over

well, this is it, the first day of school.  summer sure did fly past, not nearly long enough!  most of my friends look forward to their kids going back to school, and out of their hair, but not me.  I love having tony and madison home from school.  we don’t do much, usually, but it’s nice to have the house full of children sounds.  and I know that  all too soon, those sounds will disappear from here, to be replaced with the silence of teenage absence, then adults gone from the nest.

so, here we go again!

 

…today…

…today…my husband turns 45.  being an introvert and something of an eyeore, he’s never been much for birthdays, but the last few years have really been hard for him, because

…today…is the day we buried his daddy, my beloved father-in-law, 3 years ago.  I don’t think he’ll ever enjoy another birthday.

…today…I was called to jury duty.  I tried to get out of it, to no avail.  I will sit on this jury for a projected 2-3 days.  this may put a crimp in our plans to leave friday afternoon to visit family and friends in ohio.

…today…I was not able to make rich’s favorite birthday meal of chicken and dumplins and red velvet cake, because I spent the entire day moving from one chair to another at the lovely courthouse in the middle district of north carolina.

tomorrow will be better.  I will make sure of it.

 

and I think to myself…what a wonderful world

last night, I was struck by just how blessed I am. madison wanted to stay and eat supper with us; I told her that we eat alot later than what she’s used to. mama has supper ready by 5:30; we eat around 7, when rich gets home. tony always eats a little mini-meal of snacks when he gets home from school at 3, because he eats lunch at school at 10:45 so he’s ready for supper when he gets home.

last night I fixed salmon patties, which everyone here loves. madison and clem were both here, so it was a big family meal. since it was so late, madison had to get home as soon as she finished eating, so she could get ready for bed.

usually when I take her home, I just wait until she gets in the door and then I turn around and go home. last night, I walked her in so I could carry the mail. when I went in, the baby was awake, so I took her from mandi and snuggled and kissed her for a little bit.

when I left, I noticed how clear the sky was, and how warm it was. that’s when I felt blessed. a beautiful night, a baby’s love, and my family at the end of my driveway.

who could ask for more?

 

I found this story and picture on the bbc news site, and thought it was cool.  I wanted to share it with y’all.

Uzonka the stork was fitted with a prosthesis at an animal hospital in Romania after its bill was broken in an assault.

 

ARRGGHH!! I am frustrated!

My computer is messed up.  It has been  mildly misbehaving for a little while now, but I didn’t really worry to much with it.  Whenever something new popped up, I’d just add it to the little list I keep, and when it gets to be too much, I call my computer guy.  I really like my computer guy, he built my machine for me, and he told me that I would have lifetime computer support – his lifetime.  He’s really good with the hardware aspect, but not so much with programs and software and such.  Unfortunately, he has had some health problems lately, so I hate to bother him with something as trivial as my little computer quirks.

However, since mama has been having her own computer problems, I have been embroiled with taking her and her baby computer hither and yon.  In the process, I have met a new computer guy, his name is Clem.  He’s a genius.  I decided to have him come to my house Thursday evening and take a look at mine.  He told me that most of my issues were all tied to the fact, that he found OVER 400 VIRUSES AND MORE THAN 200 SPYWARE!!

I thought I would die.  I have Norton, how could this have happened?  Why would Norton let me down?  I paid enough for him, by golly he should have been more faithful.  Clem tells me that Norton isn’t who I thought he was, and that he’s not always dependable.  Well, that’s it for him, I don’t need to be treated this way.  I deserve better.  I will look elsewhere for protection and comfort.

The end result is that Clem eliminated all of my pests, and when he left, the computer ran so much more smoothly.  Unfortunately, there were many pages that I couldn’t access, like my email, login to wordpress, login to the shopping section of walmart.com – that’s an important one- and lots of others.  I called Clem the next morning.

He came back Friday evening.  He said that all the virus and spyware junk had corrupted some kind of IP address, or something or other, and that he thought he could fix it.  Guess what?  He couldn’t access the internet pages he needed.  So, for the time being, my home computer serves only to let me visit my site, everyone else’s blogs, and play some games.  Clem is doing some research, and will hopefully get back with me Monday.

Today was Rich’s Saturday to work – every 5th one – and he and the big kids are painting some of the offices in his terminal.  So, Tony & I came, too.  We always come and help him do his Saturday work, and while they’re painting, Tony is playing Windwaker, and I am using the computer.  It’s not mine, but it will work.

 

One last little trip

Today Tony & I are going to go stay with my very good friends Tammie and Linda.  They have a Nascar souvenir business, and are rarely home, usually gone for weeks at a time, and when they get home, it’s only for a day or two during the week.  This week’s race is farther than they want to travel, so they’re coming home for about 4 days. 

Usually when we stay with them, we just hang around the house, vegin’.  This time, though, we’re takin Tammie’s grandson and headin down to Myrtle on business.  Tony & I will cop some rays and snooze on the beach while they do whatever it is they do.  So, this is our last little trip before school starts on Monday.

I hate the idea of school starting.  Summer was way too short.  Even if they had a longer summer, I would still get depressed over the end of it.  It’s so great having the kids here at home, just hangin out with them.  I don’t want it to end.  Unfortunately, it’s not up to me, and if I don’t send my young’uns to school, the po-lice will come get me, so…

Jessica is going to the beach, AGAIN!!  She just came home from Wilmington on Tuesday, where she & Dixon spent 4 days with his cousin.  Now Dixon’s parents are taking the fam to Myrtle for a long weekend.  She is so dark already, I can’t imagine what she’ll look like when she returns.  But, I guess this is her last little trip, too, since she & Dixon start school next Monday.

I think this weekend will be difficult, trying to get back into the routine that we’ve set aside for 2 months.  Oh, well, it’ll work itself out, I reckon. 

 

Thank God it’s over…

You remember when I said that I love to shop?  Well, I should be more specific.  I love shopping when Tony is with someone else.  He is so full of Mexican Jumping beans energy, that one hour with him in a store is equivalent to half a day of Chinese water torture.  Maybe I exaggerate.  I reckon it would be more accurate to say that shopping with my youngest delight produces the same serenity as canoeing over Niagra Falls.   Again, you may feel that I am embroidering a tale, but I kid you not, that kid can suck the energy out of a tornado!  He’s here, he’s there; he’s not really misbehaved, he just has termites in his nether region, which prevents him from being still or quiet for any length of time.  (One time, on the way home from Charlotte, I offered him a quarter for every minute he would be quiet.  I underestimated him, by the time he was into me for $5, I knew I was in trouble.  He ended up with about $8 that day, only because I told him he could start talking!  I decided that if I ever needed to bribe his placidity again, I’d start at a dime.  It’s still big enough to be enticing, and small enough that I can afford more quiet time.)

Anyway, he wore me slap out.  And I call myself a shopper?!

This day was unusually screwy anyway.  Tony wanted these Skechers.  We had seen the commercials, and he really longed for these shoes.  I was a little surprised that light-up shoes are still cool at his age, but hey, who am I to turn down my kid’s fairly reasonable school shoe request?  We went to Rack Room Shoes in the Friendly Center in Greensboro.  Problem: Skechers Lights are unavailable above a size 3 in this store.  The very helpful salesgirl doesn’t know if that’s the largest made, or if they’re out.  So, smart try-to-please mama decides we’ll try Shoe Carnival.  Thankfully, it’s not far, but traffic in Greensboro on a normal Sunday is heinous, but tax-free weekend traffic is downright hellish.  Unfortunately, we run into the same situation at this fine establishment.  Meanwhile, Tony has decided he’ll settle for a different style of Skechers, out of fear, I think, that he won’t get any.  I called Rich, had him get online, and get me the numbers of the branches of these stores in Danville.  Neither one had the shoes.  We traipsed back to Friendly, found a suitable pair, Kris picked up the Vans that he had hoped to find, and we left.  We went to Old Navy, but I didn’t think they had any deals good enough for me to part with my money, so we headed to Walmart. 

The boys put their new shoes on, and I noticed that Tony’s were way big.  I realized that I was ready to scream and holler and jump up and down, and make a donkey of myself right there in front of God and everybody we had to take them back.   Happy I was not.  Grumpy I was getting.

We went into the world’s busiest (atleast in my world, I have been there at 2 AM during the week before, and they are wall-to-wall people) Walmart, in Greensboro.  We were able to grab some Wrangler’s and Levi’s along with all the essentials, T’s, and regular old school supplies.  I was just happy to get out of there. 

So, back to Rack Room we went.  The right size shoe was secured, and we were out of there in about 10 minutes.  By this time, I was so ready to head home, that Cold Stone couldn’t even entice me to stick around.  How sad is that?

Rich says the next time, I should just trace the boys’ feet, measure their waists, and go shopping alone.   At one time, I would have said that would take the fun out of it, but right this minute, I’m not entirely sure… 

P.S. When I finally dragged my tired hindquarters in the door, I checked the Skechers site.   Size 3 is as big as they come.  Would have been nice to know that before we left.  I reckon if I’d been smart, I’d have checked first.                            

 

Tony @ bibleschool

Tony @ bibleschool, originally uploaded by hockamama.

Thank goodness, bible school is over. I’m sorry if this changes your perception of me, but, although I love kids, especially the kids at my church, a whole day with them seems to drain me of all my energy.

Ms. Judy, the Queen of all things -school related (Sunday-, bible-) took some time off to spend with her new grandbaby. So, I was recruited to step in. We had several planning meetings, laid out plans, cut out foamy things, and such. However, somehow we ran long on time, and short on activities.

We decided to just do a one day event this year, rather than the 3 evenings we have been doing. We had hoped that in doing so, we would bring in some new children; maybe mama and daddy would like to have a whole Saturday to themselves. Unfortunately, we still only had 6. Tony, the preacher’s daughter, and the 4 little girls who live around the corner from the church.

Our theme was “Hip for Jesus”, and we learned about the original hippies. I found this great picture on Google’s images page, and we just went from there. We tie-dyed shirts, made foam VW Bug picture frames, and made stepping stones. We had planned to spend quite a bit of time outside, but it was so flippin’ hot today, high 90’s. Nobody wanted to be out there for very long, so the kids played in the nursery between crafts.

It was fun, but I was very glad to come home to my computer and my couch.