Today, I lost my job.  I’m 43 years old, and have been fired.  For the first time in many years, I started a new job in July.  I wasn’t looking, but I was recommended for it by a friend of a friend.  Over the last 4 months, I thought things had been going great, telling everyone that I had the best job and boss in the world.  My boss had told me several times that I was a great fit, and the girl who recommended me told me that I was the best person they’d ever had in that position.

Yet, this morning, my boss said that she had to let me go.  She’d had complaints and it just wasn’t working for her.  I hate myself right now, for screwing up such a great thing.  I have no idea what the complaints were, I’m guessing my phone demeanor (although people tell me I’m very friendly).  Or maybe it was something else.  Maybe it was because I fussed about how cleaning up dog poo in the office wasn’t in my description.  In some ways, I’d like to know, but really, what good would it do me, since I can’t go back and fix it?

I feel depressed and sad.  There’s such a humiliation to being fired.  Especially when it’s your fault.  I feel bad that I forced my boss into the position of having to let me go.  I feel bad about letting down the girl who recommended me.  I’m not angry with them, I’m angry with myself.

Now, more than ever, I want to kick myself for not furthering my education.  I always wanted to be a mama and wife, and that’s what I’ve done for years, but it would be nice to have some sort of skill to use in the support of my family.

So, I’ll go now, sit on the couch and mope.  Tomorrow is a different day, and the things that I haven’t had the time to get to these last 4 months, will have my attention.

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