I haven’t felt much like being nice the last couple of weeks. it’s funny, really…the great moments FAR outnumber the rough ones, but so often it’s the rough ones that remain steadfast in my sights.the saturday after valentine’s day, rich took me out to dinner and a movie. we went to harper’s in greensboro, and it was very likely the best restaurant experience I’ve ever had. the blue cheese dressing was the best I’ve tasted, even better than mine, which hurt a little. but it was so good, I was able to get past it. the dessert was a ginormous wedge of chocolate cake, drizzled with strawberry sauce, accompanied by 3 strawberries the size of my fist (no kidding), dipped in chocolate. it was too divine.

after dinner, we went to the theater and rich let me pick which movie we’d see. I didn’t really know much about any of them, but there was a poster there for atonement, and I figured with keira knightley, it couldn’t be too bad. boy was I wrong. it was a sad story, told confusingly, hopping back and forth and sideways. I suppose if it had been told better, it might have been easier to sit through. it was the first time rich has ever left during the movie to smoke; that’s how bad it was.

between the stuff with kristopher, and dealing with jess’s relationship with a boy we don’t really care for-and the resulting behaviors that accompany said relationship, rich and I have been spending more time together, talking more and getting closer. for awhile now, I worried if we’d have anything to talk about when the kids were gone, but I was worried for nothing. way back when we first got together, we could talk for hours and never run out of things to say, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but it was reassuring.

I’ve started walking a couple mornings a week with my friend Katrina. if the weather is nice, we go to the park and walk the track, but if it’s yucky, we’ll go to the mall and walk with the seniors. we walk for about an hour before she’ll let me take a break. she’s brutal. it feels good afterward, though.

this past saturday, katrina, cris and I took off in the afteroon and went to our favorite used bookstore, then ate at Bravo’s. it was so yummy! afterwards, we came back to town and saw the play ‘steel magnolias’ at the college. it’s been years since I watched the movie, so it was almost like watching a new story. it was performed very well. especially the ladies who played ouiser and claree.

so, those are some of the good times. kris’ foster mother called me last night to tell me that he failed all of his subjects, he’s cutting classes and now will not graduate on schedule. he’s decided he doesn’t need to have a diploma, he’ll just finish his diesel tech class and get his certification to get a job.

on saturday, we had adt come out and get us started on the path to security. never in a million years did I ever think we would go this route. I realize alot of people have security systems, and they’ve been lifesavers many times over. but when my parents moved us from the big city into the small town, we never locked our doors. of course, we had a vicious dog. when rich and I married, we didn’t lock doors. it wasn’t until we moved here, that rich’s dad locked our doors every night. my parents and stuart used to talk smack about us locking our doors and our paranoia. now, however, my parents were the ones urging us to call adt.

the maternal part of me can’t bear to think that a child of my flesh could ever harm his family; but the practical thinking part of me (which stays hidden often) knows that he’s already caused irreperable harm, and being a sociopath, there’s really nothing to stop him from following his thoughts and desires.

so, tell me, please. why do I get sucked under from the bad thoughts, when there are more good things to focus on?