Who am I?  This is the question that I ask myself quite often.   I think it depends on the company I am keeping at any given time.

I am always wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend…but sometimes I just want to know what's inside?  And then I wonder, does anyone know the real me?  Other than my God, obviously.  And also, do I want them to?

Occasionally, I think that I settled down too quick.  That really wasn't the plan, but a bonus pregnancy at a young age facilitated that decision.  There is nothing in this world that I would trade for my children, I love them with heart and soul.  And anytime the question is presented "would you go back and change anything?", I always say NO.  Any small change would inhibit the actions that resulted in my blessed babies.

However, I do intermittently wonder about the roads not taken.  What if I had straightened up and finished college?  What if I had moved to Mexico and married the politician's son?  What if I hadn't married the AMC Pacer the first time around?  What if R and I had started dating 20-some years ago when we first met, instead of waiting until our paths crossed again?

What if…what if…what if…

My good friend Cris and I were strolling in the UNCG area of downtown Greensboro on a recent Saturday evening.  We joked about renting a loft above one of the cute little cafes, with lots of space and pretty windows and bright colors.  How nice it would be to have an escape here, in this colorful neighborhood, with all its little eccentricities and youthful mood.

A part of me thinks I would like to shake off my dependable persona; the one who is responsible for the needs of many people, not just my own.  The fantasy of being free to take walks and naps when I want, and to answer to my name, not a title; that daydream is what helps me get through yet another day in the life of me.

I just sporadically question what I have become.  Am I really so different from the person I used to be? 

Why are my children so surprised when they find out that not only do I know who Queen is, but I saw them in concert?  More than once…and that Kiss is a better show…and I used to have good taste in clothes.  Why is it such a revelation that I had a life previous to being a mother? 

I am not unhappy with my life.  Nor dissatisfied, really.  Just frustrated occasionally.  I read somewhere that you should "live life like you mean it".  And I wonder, what exactly do I mean?

And still the question remains unanswered: who am I?

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