I cannot seem to get my fill of life’s necessities. I am seemingly constantly hungry for more food. A couple of years ago, I lost some weight. It wasn’t intentional–I had a new job where I was up and down steps several times a day; and I drank 6-8 bottles of water daily. While I was at it, I decided to cut back on carbs.

All of this was only possible because God gave me the willpower to stop binge eating, and eating just to have something in my mouth. However, I was hungry! All of the time. If not for God’s love for me, knowing that I could not do it without Him, I would have fallen victim to my appetite many nights. It was so difficult to go to bed with my stomach rumbling. And to ignore the call of the Pop-tart when I reached into the pantry for the Special K.

Money is another essential component of life. While I believe that the love of money is the root of evil and bad things, the fact is, it is a requirement for almost every aspect of life. When there are so many people expecting you to give them a cut (light company, mortgage company, etc), where do you get the money for luxuries, such as telephone, cable, groceries? How do you keep from getting obsessed about money, or the lack of it?

Mostly, though, I hunger for faith. I don’t call myself a Christian, because I don’t feel worthy of the name. I am a Christian in training, striving to be the person God wants me to be. But sometimes, there’s this hollow place inside.

The late, great Rich Mullins sang, “Sometimes my life just don’t make sense at all, when the mountains look so big, and my faith just seems so small…And I wake up in the night and feel the dark, it’s so hot inside my soul, I swear there must be blisters on my heart.”

I feel those blisters, and the first time I heard this song, it was like Rich was singing my feelings. I have seen God’s grace and love in my life, and I have felt it. So why does it feel so dark in here sometimes? “Hold me Jesus, ’cause I’m shakin’ like a leaf. You have been my King of Glory, won’t you be my Prince of Peace?”

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